To my family, “Suicide Watch” was what we called the days after my oldest son admitted to having suicidal thoughts and even attempting suicide. These are intense days, weeks, and months. For our family, the suicide watch has been off and on for over 10 years.
Life is different. The innocence is gone and we live in a new normal.
Your new normal will be filled with heartache, stress, wonder, curiosity, hope, fear, dread, love, anger, sadness, regret, guilt…let me tell you to expect every single emotion possible. And also let me tell you to not hold on to those emotions because they will morph into something else very quickly.
A joyful moment where you believe your child is happy convinces you that they are safe from self-harm. Don’t fall for that.
A heart-wrenching moment listening to your teen share how disgusted they are with themselves and how you would be better off without them is an ache that I hope you don’t ever feel. But, don’t hold on to that ache, these conversations, and the “suicide watch” is an emotional roller coaster. It’s up to you to stay grounded and strong knowing that you are doing your best. If you fall into despair with your child, you can’t help them.
Don’t fall for the emotions of the moment. Find balance and strength to move through the emotions as you support your child to get healthy.
Here are some key steps to take as you experience the days after your initial conversation about suicide:
Your child is brave for divulging the truth. It takes courage to confess such a deep vulnerability. Don’t overlook their plea for help or assume it’s a tactic to gain attention.
If your child shares that she has thought about ending her life, be sobered. If your kid admits that he has planned how to kill himself, don’t blow him off.
Taking it seriously will be like someone tapping the pause button on your life. Your heart will swell with a million different emotions all at once.
But the most important first step is that you take your child seriously.
Remember, this is not about you, this is about your child.
Once you accept the gravity of the moment, ready your ears for listening.
What did you do when your toddler was injured with a boo-boo? You hugged him close, cleaned up the wound, stuck on a bandage, and hugged him again. Your child or teen may not have a physical boo-boo, they still need your same tender care.
A suicidal confession from your child is an admission of their pain, fears, and anxieties. Accept their pain with a listening ear.
Ask your child to elaborate on their suicidal thoughts or to tell you about their suicide plan. Remind your child that you will listen without judgment, that you will always love them, no matter what
Some of the best practices for active listening include:
Different situations will require different actions, but there is no need to wait before seeking help. As a caring parent, use your discernment to judge which option is needed.
After you make the decision to seek help, take on the role of an advocate. Trust the professionals to follow the proper course of action, yet do not be ashamed to confidently ask for the tools or support that your child needs.
Say goodbye to judgment and just be with your child.
Express gratitude that your child asked for help and compliment their bravery.
Find ways to connect with them. For example, if they don’t want to talk or engage with you, just grab a book and sit near them while they play their video game or watch their show. Just let them know you are there to support them.
Your child confessed their suicidal thoughts or actions because they want help. A tangible act of help is to remove any tempting lethal items, particularly the ones that were included in their suicide plan or attempt.
Some of these items should be removed from your home entirely. Other ones, such as kitchen knives or medicines, should be locked where your child cannot access them.
Suicide doesn’t evaporate like rain on a hot summer day. It lingers. So check on your child/teen frequently, especially when they’re alone.
Give yourself credit—you care deeply about your child so you’re selflessly shouldering some of their burdens. That baggage can weigh you down like a sack of bricks. Right now, your child needs you to be strong for them. Don’t hesitate to seek counseling or help for yourself either!
You’re not alone. I’ve been through this and unfortunately so have so many others, Join Hayden’s Army to receive support and expert advice during this tough season.
Much love,
Jannica Morton
Co-Founder, unblock
Jannica@beunblocked.com
Jannica has experience as a corporate manager, alternative education school co-founder, and owner of a marketing agency founded in 1998. She coaches executives, teams, partners, individuals, and families to live in alignment with their unique design using frameworks such as Human Design, EQ, BG5, and Profit Potential.
She guides clients to more successful and harmonious relationships through an awareness of themselves, their experiences, and interactions with others. Her process is to mentor our clients to understand their thoughts, emotions, energy, and decision strategies. Jannica’s heart beats for helping parents understand and nurture their kids. Her goal is to help families connect through authentic conversations where everyone is heard, seen, and accepted.