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The quality of the conversation is the quality of the relationship.

In fact, we can even go as far as to say that without the conversation there is no relationship.

To stay connected to your teenage children in these trying times is essential to assure that your children are emotionally navigating the stress factors of simply being a teenager. With the stresses of social media, the pandemic and the acceleration of a changing world your teen is dealing with more than you did at their age. As your child evolves into a young adult, so must your parenting style evolve to meet the maturity level of your child.

As your child develops their foundational beliefs, begins to set their values, and mature physically, the parent must evolve from parent to coach.

A parent begins the transition from directionalized parenting to an advisor/coach helping their teenager to begin to reason, make decisions, take ownership of results, set and reach goals and successfully deal with problems with innovative solutions to life’s challenges.

From Parent to Coach strategies, provide parents with fundamental coaching skills to increase their ability to maintain vital communication with their child as their child matures to adulthood. The absolute best way to stay connected and evolve your parent-teen relationship while building resiliency in your child as they face their future.

Here are some tips to improve your communication:

Tip #1:

Be your personal best when you enter into a conversation with your teen. Be centered and grounded. Avoid dragging your stresses of the day into the conversation. Make an investment in your personal self-leadership by having the courage to understand and respect differences you may have to your child as they evolve to become their own person. Do not claim you know them better than they know themselves. Show respect for the unique person they are becoming and help them form their actions, thoughts, and words to become their future vision.

Tip #2:

Utilize one-pointed focus of attention and establish trust with an inner intention to build bridges between your point of view and perhaps their opposing points of view so mutual understanding and empathy can be reached between both of your differences.

Tip #3:

Learn to listen, reflect, pause, and deliberate by stepping into their shoes to grow your empathy and understanding. Look at the topic of discussion with a genuine desire that the decision be mutually beneficial for both of you.

Tip #4:

Be in physiological rapport with your child, set a mutually desired goal that you both agree to before the conversation begins, so your goal acts as a reference that guides you through the journey of the conversation. Additionally, the agreed-upon goal acts as a relevant touchstone if the conversation digresses.

Tip #5:

Have the attitude that NOW is the only moment of power you have to evolve yourself as a parent. It is in the next conversation you can demonstrate and build your parenting evolution with respect for your teen as your teen builds respect for you.

Tip #6:

Remember to breathe. Breathe through the nose and exhale through the nose and when you do this type of breathing it actually has a biological effect on the body. The more you breathe in this pattern the more you can slow your heart rate down. The more you can bring our reactions away from fight or flight solely from your primitive brain the better. The objective is to move from an immediate response triggered through our limbic system to the frontal lobe region of the brain where we access our higher reasoning and problem-solving abilities.

Tip #7:

Learn to listen. The most ineffective conversations are those that are filled with endless words and the positioning of the speakers. The most powerful and productive conversations are those filled with pauses, thoughtful deliberation, and an underground river of intent to strengthen the relationship, to learn, and to remain authentic.

Tip #8:

Be accountable for your emotional responses. You are responsible for your emotional world. The emotional state you produce is either a contaminant or an asset to the conversation. You are not an island and you affect your teen to a profound degree. You are part of an ecology which is your relationship to your family. A comment out of unharnessed emotions can have a devastating effect on the ones you love and care for. Your conversation is the relationship, and the quality of the relationship will determine your success or failure. Create your conversations with your teenage children with a deep river of intent to listen, understand without condemnation and judgment and support them to find their dreams, and reach their potential.

Tip # 9:

Many people are scared of showing up fully in a conversation. However, the real concern should be that façade-based conversations cause the real damage. Fear what you are not willing to say rather than what you are willing to say. Be authentic, honest, humble, transparent, and vulnerable. Kids smell incongruence a mile away.

Tip #10:

We are all operating out of our collective learning throughout our lives, including your teenage child. Your reality is just as important as his/her. Get to the middle ground between the two differences, where there is no right or wrong, but a simple desire to grow, evolve, understand and enrich this most important lifelong relationship between a parent and their child.

Reach out to us if you need support in moving through this with your family.

Gary De Rodriguez
Co-Founder, unblock
gary@beunblocked.com

Master Trainer HNLP | Master Coach | Published Author | ExtDISC Trainer

Gary De Rodriguez is known as the People Mechanic™, a published author and world authority in behavior, relationships, authentic leadership, and building high-performing teams. He has spent over 35 years developing, teaching, and practicing behavioral methods and leadership strategies. He has developed multiple techniques that he trains psychotherapists, coaches, and other professionals to resolve trauma. He has worked with over 11,600 coaching clients and many more thousands of students who have attended his lectures and live events worldwide. Gary brings a strong humanistic approach to his work and a genuine desire to touch the lives of those he engages with for positive outcomes in both the personal development and corporate performance arenas.